Stalking, Suicide Threats, and Another PFMA
There are some events that happened between [L]’s 3rd and 4th arrest and I will eventually write about those but today is just not the day.
After I admitted my mistakes and [L] was arrested the judge set his bail at over $100,000 (to keep things vague). He had broken not only the restraining order but also the terms of his original bail by contacting me. Apparently pissing off a judge by breaking your bond conditions is taken way more seriously than violating a restraining order or assaulting someone with a weapon in the first place.
He made bail after over 50 days in jail. His family came up with the money and paid the 10% bail bond fee. Over $10,000 they will never get back just to get him out of jail until sentencing.
*The way bail works (in case you don’t know) is you can put up the full amount as collateral and then as long as the person shows up for court you get your full amount back. The other option is to go through a bail bondsman and you pay 10% non-refundable as a fee and they put up the entire bond amount with the understanding that they are on the hook if the offender doesn’t show up, but they can regain all or part of that amount if they bring the person in after failure to appear, that’s where we get bounty hunters from. *
We knew sentencing was coming up in roughly a month or two and he had already agreed to a plea deal that agreed to serving some time. So his family paid $10,000+ just for a month or two of freedom pre-sentencing, knowing he would be locked up after sentencing? It doesn’t make sense to me, it didn’t then and it still doesn’t now.
[L] had attempted to contact me from jail a few times including calling (YES, on the pre-recorded jail line) and then sending letters. The letters all were about how much he loved me and how he wanted to get better and be with me. He thanked me for sending him to jail and told me he wasn’t angry because it saved his life….. The county attorney had already issued a request for his right to bail to be completely revoked, due to this attempted contact, prior to his being bailed out it just hadn’t been signed by the judge yet. So a warrant was issued for his arrest just a few days after he was bailed out for violation of the restraining order while in jail and this new warrant did not allow for him to bail out again before sentencing.
Fast forward almost a month, the warrant still wasn’t served. I truly don’t believe they even attempted to look for him after the warrant was issued.
Late one night I received a phone call. Restricted number again, so I knew…. I knew without a doubt it was [L] calling. I answered the phone anyways. He was drunk and slurring his words. I kept trying to ask him how much he had, had to drink and he kept saying he was sober. He kept saying I needed to come get him but wouldn’t give me a location and was crying. He was demanding if I loved him I would take him back or he was going to kill himself. At one point he drunkenly said something about having a gun? Or getting a gun? I’m not 100% sure he was slurring and not making a whole lot of sense. He was getting more and more agitated and I was trying to calm him down and he kept demanding I come get him
I finally told him I’d come but he needed to tell me where I was going. I grabbed my gun, stuck it in my boot, and got in the car. I promised myself I wasn’t going to die that night.
He told me I had to come to a parking lot and he’d meet me there. He told me I couldn’t hang up or he was going to kill himself. He kept asking if I was going to have him arrested and told me if he saw any cops he was going to run and kill himself etc. I was getting close and he started yelling about how he saw a flashing light and I had to assure him that it was green and red and coming from the business sign across the street. I now know he was at his Aunt’s house and the parking lot was visible from her window which is why he picked there. I pulled up and he said he saw me but he had to give the phone back and he would be right there. I called 911 as soon as he hung up and rattled off as much information as I could as quickly as I could while he was on his way over to my car and then hung up.
He wanted to get in but I rolled the passenger window down and told him I was afraid, I did everything I could to stall at this point. My gun was under my leg just in case. He kept demanding to see my phone, he was so paranoid that night and suspicious. I finally unlocked the door and he demanded I drive. I pulled my keys out of the ignition and jumped out the drivers door taking my gun with me. I kept it hidden from his vision and tucked it into my pants. I called 911 again and hit the speaker button hoping they wouldn’t say anything and just listen. I kept saying I’m scared, I’m scared of you, why did you make me come to [This parking lot]? Are you going to hurt me? Do you really have a gun? Basically I was trying to give the police as much information as I could because I was hoping the operator was listening especially after my first call.
He started to walk away and I got back into the car. I locked the doors and yelled out the window for him to please come back and not hurt himself. I begged. I was crying. I kept repeating I love you please don’t kill yourself, please. He started walking back towards the car and that’s when the police showed up. They drew their weapons, he surrendered peacefully. My last words to him were “I love you, I’m sorry”. The last words he ever said to me were “Say goodbye to [BABY]”. In front of the police officers, on body cam.
That night he was charged with Felony stalking, a restraining order violation, and another PFMA (partner family member assault) for reasonable apprehension. A PFMA for reasonable apprehension basically means that I had reason to believe he was going to hurt me and threatening my child openly gave me even more reason to fear for both my and [BABY]’s safety.
They searched him after cuffing him and he didn’t have a gun or anything else on him. He just stared at me, hating me. Now looking back on that night I think it was a cry for help. He had to have known what was going to happen. He kept saying don’t call the police and was soooo paranoid. He had to have known what I was going to do. I wonder if he really was going to kill himself and this was the only way he could save himself from that? After his last arrest he admitted that I saved his life by having him arrested because he was planning something very self destructive for when he made it back into town. I wonder if he either consciously or subconsciously knew, or was hoping, I would save him again. Even if the only way I had left to save him was to have him arrested. Or maybe I’m reading way too much into it and he was just drunk and being irrational.